Jul
15
2008

A Software Engineer’s feelings…..

It was raining heavily outside. Dark clouds gathered in the sky and nature was in its ominous best. I took a break from my work and went to the pantry to grab a cup of coffee. I had a sip and went near the window to see the rain pouring down heavily outside the glass structure. I was inside our huge office building, unruffled by even the fierceness of the nature.

 

Through the heavy transparent glass, I could see a small girl trying to hold on to her umbrella which the wind was snatching away from her. I felt sorry for the girl, and was happy that I was not in a similar pathetic situation. Yes. I take pride for the fact that I am a software engineer.

 

I have everything which a common man would envy; money, status, respect, you name it I have it. I always wanted to be software professional and here I am, working for one of the best firms in the world. But then, am I really happy? Now, I could see an imprint of my palm on the other glass window, through which I reminisced my past, basked in the warmth of the sun shine.

 

My childhood was so much of fun. I vividly remember those rainy days, when I hugged my mother tightly during sleeping listening to all the stories told by her. Now, I have a big house here, but then it is just a house, not a home. My parents are pretty far away from me now. I have a cell phone to talk to them everyday, but then I really miss those dinners which I had with my family everyday. I could easily afford to taste all the different cuisines these days, but the best of food there, lack the love and affection which is present in the food prepared by my mother.

 

I threw a lavish party for my colleagues for my birthday, but then they would never replace the birthdays when my friends secretly brought a cake and at the end, half of the cake would have ended up on my face. The couple of hundred bucks that u save for a long period just to give a treat to your friends in the road side chat shop can never give the pleasure even after spending a few thousand bucks these days.

 

The scene of me crying and refusing to have lunch on the day when I fought with my best friend in college canteen came to my mind. Today, she has gone far away from me, taking away my love and with it my life, but I am sitting and coding here with a false smile on my face. Everyday I meet new people, but then I long ceased to make a new friend.


It’s true that I have a lot of things now. I have a nice bed, but no time to sleep. Lots of money, but no friends to spend it with. The latest designer clothes, but a worn out body .
Quite a few to flirt, but no one to love. Awards for technical excellence, but no reward for the crave for peaceful ambience. A confident demeanor, but a reluctant and apathetic mind. Full of rain, but no sunshine even in the farthest distance.

 

Now, I could see the small girl on the road enjoying in the rain with her umbrella firmly in her grip. She might not have all the comforts which I have, but then she has the innocence and fun which I lost a long time back.
I have decided to come out of this false fantasy, even if it is at the expense of losing the tap of the software engineer. I am going to again enjoy my life. I am going to go out in the rain and play with the small kid now. I removed my tie, and went near my computer to shut it down.

 

Just then, I saw a new mail alert in my mail box. I slowly opened outlook and I found a message from my manager with an attachment saying that there was a critical defect in the code and I have to fix it soon. I convinced myself that I am not going to get bogged down again by these pressures and stick to my decision. I ignored the mail and went to the rest room. After a couple of minutes, the software engineer in me came out, his shirt tucked in with the perfect tie knot, sat before the computer, and started typing,

 

Hi XYZ,

I am looking into the defect and will send the patch files before EOD.

Regards,
Software Engineer.

(From a forwarded email)

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Author: Arun Vishnu

4 Comments + Add Comment

  • Hi Arun,

    I am Richa from SiliconIndia. I am also an avid blogger for a while now and participating actively in Indian blogosphere. I read your blog posting and found them very interesting and informative. We would love to see a copy of your blogs posted here, whenever you are posting it on blogger.com. Here are some of the benefits of posting your blogs here:

    We have a strong community of 500,000 Indian professionals
    Best blogs of 2008 to be published in a book "SiliconIndia bLoG PrinT"
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    We appreciate your community initiative here and in helping build a more powerful India! Also, if you have any ideas or want to volunteer to help for SiliconIndia, we would be more than excited to get your help. Pls mail me back at richa@siliconindia.com with your suggestions and feedback.

    Richa
    Blog Editor – SiliconIndia

  • So It means…You can’t “fight crime and bake cookies at the same time”…
    Hmmm..So move on with ur life…try to enjoys life as t is…

    This reminds me of an album song by Shaan..

    Aankhon mein sapne liye
    Ghar se hum chal to diye
    Jaane yeh raahein ab le jaayengi kahan……
    Mitti ki khushboo aaye……
    Palkon pe aansu laaye….
    Palkon pe reh jaayega yaadon ke jahan……
    Manzil nayi hai anjaana hai kaarvaan……
    Chalna akele hai yahan…….

    meaning in english..

    With dreams filled in eyes
    we left our homes
    no idea where these roads are taking us
    smell of the soil is surrounding me
    thats filling my eyes with tears
    the world of our memories lay in our eyes
    new is the destiny new is the journey
    the walk s lonely
    lonely heart… lonely journey..

  • Hi,
    I found your blog interesting…a blog from some one around my age group,great.But there are a few spelling mistakes in your older posts.Also write more about your job and life there.
    Try visiting my blog and give me some suggestions.Also visit my Orkut profile thru my blog…

    See you…I M M I N I > >

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